The world is opening back up and you’re brushing up on your makeup skills. You are ready to venture back out there! But…you don’t feel totally ready.
We’ve perfected the art of maintaining physical distance from others, but have developed horrible social habits in the process. We are now pros at avoiding eye contact and keeping a social distance from everyone.
So, wait… you’re telling me that I don’t have to use just my eyes to smile anymore?
Why do I feel like I’m speaking to humans for the first time?
How do I re-enter the world seamlessly?
Can I? Maybe it’s impossible.
Hold up. Erase the word “impossible” from your vocabulary. And, trust me: you are not the only one with these thoughts.
Just like we learned to adapt to a masked society, we need to master how to function in a mask-less world again. The pandemic created a world of more reserved individuals. It also caused a spike in the number of people with social anxiety. Is this a coincidence? I don’t think so…
Since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, people have become less and less social. This is mainly due to the stay-at-home orders and recommended self-isolation after exposure to the virus. As a result, many of us have struggled to maintain the social skills we spent our entire lives practicing(and have even regressed in the past few years. Ugh!)
Maybe you’re like me — once the most outgoing person you know. But now you find yourself terrified to leave the house for fear of running into that overly friendly neighbor with the 12 cats. (I have nothing against cats, but I think you get my point.) I’m getting sweaty palms just thinking about holding more than a 5-minute conversation with a stranger. It takes work.
If these sound familiar to you, you may have a form of social anxiety: rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, nausea, overthinking, indecisiveness, dry throat, avoiding eye contact, etc.
Here are some tips to reducing social anxiety, or at least face it, head-on.
1. You Are What You Think
We all have those intrusive thoughts of self-doubt. The ones that whisper that you are underqualified, aren’t smart, aren’t capable enough. But not all of us have the tools to challenge those thoughts, those lies.
In truth, you are qualified, intelligent, capable. You just have to speak the truths that you are. And believe it. We can arrest our own thoughts. Wild, right? The trick isn’t in not having those thoughts in the first place, but in knowing how to handle them.
I recommend completely flipping the negative statement on its head. A very common negative thought is, “I will never be the life of a party.” I like to counter the negativity with the truth, “I am hilarious and people enjoy my company.” Even if you don’t fully believe it yet, you are willing the positive thought into reality.
Henry Ford, the founder of Ford Motor Company, said it well. He said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t — you’re right.” You are what you think. You are sociable and a joy to be around. Believe it. Once you begin to believe these truths, any social anxiety will become a thing of the past.
2. Say “Yes!”
If you’re faced with the choice between a movie night in the comfort of your own home or carpooling to a party, choose the night out! You might be kicking yourself for it on the ride over. You may have contemplated 12 ways to get out of it in the hours you spent getting ready. But… you made the tough decision. And there is no backing out now.
One of the benefits of carpooling for us socially impaired folks is that there is no escape(unless you are fearless enough to jump out of a moving vehicle. I do not recommend).
You can choose to either hate yourself the entire night or give in and begin easing the anxiety with conversations on the ride over. It might feel awkward at first, but eventually, it will flow. And the looming anxiety of the night ahead will begin to dissipate.
3. Practice
If you can truly listen and engage in conversation with others, you are one step closer to reducing social anxiety. Ask questions, and respond to answers. Practice giving more than a one-sentence response when someone asks you a question. They care about what you have to say, so don’t just move past the part where you open up.
One key to remember is not fixating on others’ mannerisms too much. You don’t want to find yourself wondering what they’re thinking the entire time.
It is so easy to get caught up in what you presume others are thinking about you. This crippling habit will only hinder your social skills. Don’t over-analyze their eye shifts. They might be experiencing social anxiety, too. Or if you discover they are better at making eye contact than you, remember it as an area for improvement for yourself.
Don’t dwell on your shortcomings. Observe others and remember their amazing social skills the next time you find yourself in a social situation. Take on their social confidence. Eventually, you will be just as confident without having to fake it at first.
4. Find Those Triggers
Maybe you aren’t sure what causes your social anxiety, and that’s okay.
It might be time to start noting the times you feel your pulse speeding up, get the involuntary shakes, or you find all words escaping you.
Now, don’t mistake being overcaffeinated as having social anxiety. Caffeine tends to produce similar symptoms to anxiety. Make sure you are certain that what you are experiencing is true anxiety, not just your body going into shock due to high caffeine intake.
Common causes of social anxiety can be bullying, family or friend conflict, abuse, and more. If you find that you are experiencing social anxiety related to any of these situations, again, you’re one step closer to reducing social anxiety.
Start here: seek out counseling to overcome any traumatic events or have conversations with those who might be adding to your social anxiety. And practice not letting the triggers take over.
Part of winning the battle is in determining what started the war. And you can win.
5. Toss Out the Crutch
If you’re reading this, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that you have a smartphone. One of the hugest crutches when it comes to defeating social anxiety.
Picture this: You’re in the checkout line at Costco with five people in front of you. What do you do? You either A) people-watch(one of my personal favorite hobbies). But when that loses its sparkle, you B) whip out that little device to make you feel less alone!
The truth is, the more you rely on your device, the less you utilize those social skills. Yeah, maybe your thumbs are now pros at swiping through Instagram. Maybe you are a social butterfly behind the security of your screen. But how does being a smartphone master benefit your ability to strike up conversations with strangers? How are you improving your face-to-face interactions? The answer is: you aren’t.
If you want to limit your screen time, but you lack willpower, try downloading an app that controls your phone usage for you. Or read How to Break up With Your Phone by Catherine Price. This book changed my whole view of my relationship with my phone and technology in general. There are resources out there, you just have to be willing to use them.
Once you decide to limit your phone usage, the doors that are opened to you will amaze you. You just gotta lift your head a little, and keep the phone in your pocket.
It’s not impossible. This social fear that you are experiencing will soon be a thing of the past. Just believe that it isn’t permanent.
